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Thread: ~~Some Time-Pass from my Mailbox... enjoi n add~~

  1. #493
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    Directory Enquiries
    Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
    Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
    Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".

  2. #494
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    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
    Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".

  3. #495
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    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

    "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

  4. #496
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    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
    Customer: "OK".
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
    Customer: "No".
    Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No".
    Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".

    Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

  5. #497
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    Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

  6. #498
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    Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".

  7. #499
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    There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):


    Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"

    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. "
    Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
    Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    Operator: "Went away?"
    Caller: "They disappeared. "
    Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
    Caller: "Nothing."
    Operator: "Nothing??"
    Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
    Caller: "How do I tell?"
    Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
    Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
    Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
    Caller: "What's a monitor?"
    Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
    Caller: "I don't know."
    Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
    Caller: "Yes, I think so."
    Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
    Caller: "Yes, it is."
    Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    Caller: "Okay, here it is."
    Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    Caller: "I can't reach."
    Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
    Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
    Operator: "Dark??"
    Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

    " Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    Caller: "I can't."
    Operator: "No? Why not??"
    Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
    Operator: "A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"

    Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
    Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!! !"

  8. #500
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  9. #501
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guttry View Post
    Real Woman

    On a trans-atlantic flight, a plane was passing through a horrible storm. The turbulence is severe, and unfortunately things go from bad to worse when one of the wings were struck by lightning. One woman in particular friggen loses it.

    Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she blares. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has really ever made me feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

    For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own danger and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.

    Then, a man stands up in the back of the plane. "I can make you feel like a real woman," he shouts. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing blond hair and jet blue eyes, and he begins walking slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Everyone stares in silence.

    The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

    IRON THIS!

  10. #502
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    Bullbuster is offline Masala Super Champion
    Mr. Innovative (MB Award 2005), Editor - Sep & Nov CC NLs
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    Great going

    'The most pathetic person in the world is someone who is a Supermod, but not active' - Masalatalk


  11. #503
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  12. #504
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guttry View Post
    ChICKen SanDwiTCh..............
    Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

    A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became
    friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They
    discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This
    went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he
    noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

    He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
    anymore?"

    She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked.

    She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little
    feathers down there!"

    "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and
    said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."

    He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
    butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken
    sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

    She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.

    She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards

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