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Thread: Non-Veg waale jokes aur m. sgs.....

  1. #13
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    Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
    Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
    Officer: well, that's not prohibited.




    Boy: if I kiss you and run away then what will you think?
    Girl: I will think that a fool instead of attending the full paper just attended the one mark alone and failed.
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  2. #14
    punitgerg's Avatar
    punitgerg is offline Moderator
    Mr. Wonder 2010, Mr. Glorious 2011 (Twice), Mr. Chit Chatter 2013, Thread of Threads (Main) 2013
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  3. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by punitgerg View Post
    more plz



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  4. #16
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    Sardar ki Biwi came without any clothes in the drawing room to serve Halwa to the guests.
    Sardar screamed: Beshram aurat, tu hosh mein to hai?
    Wife: Woh jee recipe book mein aisa hi likha tha na "Serve Hot without any dressing, guests will enjoy."




    Sharma ji ki party mein verma ji ke paas Mrs. Sharma aakar boli:
    "Bhai sahab aapne to kuchh liya hi nahi" aur yeh keh kar ek chicken ka leg piece uthakar unki plate mein rakh diya.
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    Party khatm hone par Mr. Sharma ne Verma ji se poochha "Khana kaisa laga"
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    Verma ji: "Badhiya, par end mein bhabhi ji ne jo taang utha ke di maza aa gaya."




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  5. #17
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    Patni : Chalo luka-chhipi khelte hain. Agar tumne mujhe dhoondh liya to tum meri gaand maarna aur maine tumhein dhoondh liya to main tumhari gaand maarungi.

    Pati : Lekin tum kaise gaand maarogi?

    Patni : Hum shopping ke liye jaayenge na






    Ek ladki ki bra par likha tha 93.5 RED FM

    Socho uski panty par kya likha hoga.
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    Bajaate Raho.


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  6. #18
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    At sex toy shop

    Girl: Duplicate lund ka section kaha hai?
    Clerk: Wahan par hai Maam.
    Girl : Woh red waala kitne ka hai?
    Clerk: O hawas ki pujaran, woh aag bujjane ka cylinder hai.





    The best example of "Doosron ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna".
    Watching Porn.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    What do you call a situation when two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food?
    Wedding
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The "Smoking Kills" warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying
    "Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega" - nothing more than a ritual!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets;
    You don't know where to put your hands!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Obscene caller: Hi baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I will let you have it.
    Lady: Listen, if you can hide it in one hand then I am not interested!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    World's most romantic line ever said by a girl to her boyfriend:
    Achha Baba... Karlo!


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  7. #19
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    A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming..
    She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.

    Husband: What is this?

    Wife: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when you are traveling...

    Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...

    Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you..

    After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will f*ck this robot...

    He tried f*cking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..

    "System error
    Wrong hole
    System error
    Wrong hole.."

    Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..

    The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:

    "SOFTWARE UPDATED"
    "PLEASE TRY AGAIN"


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  8. #20
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    A Pathan being interviewed at U.S. Embasy:

    CONSULATE: Your name please?
    Pathan: Gul khan.
    CONSL: Sex?
    Pathan: Ten to twelve times a week.
    CONSL: I mean male or female?
    Pathan: Both male/female & sometimes Camels too.
    CONSUL: You seem Ugly !
    Pathan: yes Ugly & Pichhli both sides.
    CONSL: Freaky Ass!
    Pathan: yes sometimes free ki ass somtimes have to pay.
    CONSL: Man are you hostile.
    Pathan: Horse style, dog style any style !
    Consl: Oh dear.
    Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.


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  9. #21
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    Boss hired a sexy secretary, but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office.

    Police: "Who was there at that time in the room?"

    Secretary: "I was there"

    Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide?

    Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000.

    Then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs.15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs.5,00,000.

    Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs. 500 a night!
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    Moral:" Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!"

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  10. #22
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    A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
    He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
    The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

    All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
    He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

    After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
    and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
    I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

    The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
    "Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"

    All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
    The guy whispered to her:
    "I study law and I know how to screw people."


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  11. #23
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    Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
    Married MEN not allowed.
    We serve the needy, not the greedy...





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  12. #24
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    The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

    And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

    And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

    And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.

    She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

    I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

    So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

    Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

    Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

    I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

    I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

    The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

    'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

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